Right here, right there
by Mitch74
Summary: Ranma and Akane have been married for a loooong time. Ranma is starting to show his age though, while Akane is more or less immortal... And now, next part, what exactly happened to Ranma? FINISHED
1. Right here, right there

I don't own Ranma 1/2 (it's Rumiko Takahashi's), Sailor Moon (Naoko Takeuchi's) or Ah! My Goddess (that one's Kosuke Fujishima's). I write this for my own enjoyment, I don't make any money off it, and it's a shame 'cuz I'd really need it.  
  
Right here, right There  
  
or  
  
Akane's Lolita complex  
  
"We can't keep going, Akane. I know you won't acknowledge it, but the age difference is too pronounced now for us to be comfortable about it."  
  
Akane wanted to say that no, she wasn't, she didn't care, you baka, I'm as old as you are! But deep down she knew, there was just too much difference now; people had started talking, and curse her weakness, she found herself listening to the voices more and more.  
  
Both Ranma and her were well over two centuries old, now. Technologies came and went, trends cycled as they always did, a magical kingdom had established itself over Tokyo, but its queen was a ditz and nobody listened to her. Of course, life was now generally happier, but the fundamental human nature, that of trying to hurt the others, hadn't changed. And people, people that were only a tenth of her age were talking about Ranma as if he was a sugar-daddy, and her a young ditz lured in by an old pervert.  
  
They had discovered that their adventures at Jusenkyo had repercussions on them: they didn't age as fast as others did. Seeing how Shampoo reached one hundred before she started sagging, and Ranma's first white hair appeared well in the second half of his second century, it was determined that exposure to Jusenkyo magic would slow down the aging process, and the more you were exposed, the more potent it became. Shampoo was only now starting to look like Cologne, Mousse and Ryoga were playing Happosai VS a stone golem, Ranma looked at the beginning of his sixties from his being drenched in pure Jusendo water several times...  
  
And Akane, whose body water had been completely replaced with Jusendo water, laced with Saffron's ashes, wasn't looking a day over eighteen.  
  
Until now, the age difference hadn't really mattered: Akane, through training, had always looked older than her real physical age, and Ranma's fitness kept him in an ageless appearance. But time goes, and little by little people started to notice. Since most of the people who knew the story had died decades, even cenuries ago, nobody remembered the Saotomes as being anything else than the local dojo's instructors and part-time vigilantes.  
  
Of course, they had had children; several of them in fact. But, when Akane found herself pregnant at the same time her grand-daughter got married, her own children started frowning. So, Ranma and her distanced themselves from their family, effectively cutting most links, except for a pager they could use in case of dire emergency.  
  
When their last grandchild passed away, effectively erasing them from their families' memories as something other than urban legends, they decided to start anew somewhere else and left Nerima for Nekomi. But be it a problem with one of them, or the subconscious unwillingness to go through the pain of seeing her family drift apart, Akane couldn't have any more children (not for lack of trying, but, well...).  
  
They had been alone, except for their students, for a century now. Akane had started taking care of the neighbours' kids, missing the cries of children in her house. Ranma always brought back as much interesting events as always, so life wasn't completely boring.  
  
But for a few years now, people had started mistaking them for father and daughter instead of husband and wife. And as loathe as she was to recognize it, it had started to affect her. At first, Ranma was oblivious. Then he simply shrugged. Then he gave a half-hearted attempt at looking younger, before discarding it as being foolish. It really started to hurt when he tried to avoid appearing in public with her. Nothing much, only once or twice refusing to go shopping. Since they had been together all the time before, almost never losing sight of the other for more than a few hours, these few times compared to the time they still were together were nothing in quantity. But Akane noticed. And the worse was, she didn't know if she was miffed or relieved.  
  
To hell with others! They were now so good at fighting, but also at so many things, they could settle on an island, heck, even a planet, and live by their lonesome for centuries to come!  
  
They would be lonely, but Ranma didn't really care, and herself...  
  
She would. Not much, at first.  
  
But then, Ranma would get too old even for her. Damn her fickle heart! She would be pushed to meet more people, and she just knew, a tragedy would happen.  
  
This took only a minute for her to think about. Ranma had left her thinking for a while.  
  
"I think we'd better split up, Akane. This is not really something we can fight, you know..."  
  
They had decided he would be the one to go. He had wanted to roam the world again for a long time now, he would leave in the morning.  
  
They didn't sleep that night, trying to lose themselves in the other for the last time ever.  
  
Time flies... Decades, centuries. Akane had spent almost a decade grieving over her loss. Then her natural tendency to look out for people had her taking care of her neighborhood more actively. On a whim, she decided to track what had become of her progeny, going as far as visiting them, introducing herself as belonging to a long lost branch of the Tendo-Saotome family trees.  
  
While there, she could see a little boy, with eyes a grey so hard it was almost blue, chasing around (or was he chased?) a little girl with dark blue hair and a wooden mallet.  
  
"They're distant cousins. When they're together they always fight, but as soon as they're separated, they become withdrawn and just don't stop training. We don't know why they're like that, but then, we're thinking about moving out. Maybe being away one from the other would be the best thing for them."  
  
"Certainly not." Akane's voice was hard.  
  
"But-" the mother (who was actually Akane's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand-daughter (whew!) started protesting.  
  
"I look at them, and I remember a story I heard, about our ancestors, who were fighting like that all the time. Everybody thought they were the most mismatched couple ever, and they lived together for more than fifty hears, having eight children." She then smiled wistfully. "Looks like the pattern is repeating itself."  
  
The two children had fallen over in exhaustion, the little boy sitting, his back to the wall, the small girl curled on his lap, obviously enjoying the cuddling.  
  
At the same time saddened by the reminder of all she had lost and overjoyed by the fact her family was well and prospering, Akane decided to get back on track with her life again.  
  
Joining the Sailor Scouts as a mercenary, then a 'regular' (she didn't accept wearing the fuku) soldier, she was usually found on patrols in the inner system, taking care of problems either with brutal efficiency, or kindness. More often than not, it amounted to a severe martial arts display, a good walloping with a wooden hammer, then a 'mother-says-so' lesson. At first the Queen was frowning, but after Akane had a 'discussion' with her (almost taking on the top Senshis at first, then having Usagi wailing and Rei shaking her head, uttering a long-forgotten 'meatball-head'), nothing more was said. And so, Akane found herself appointed the most delicate missions (those that needed both experience, power, wisdom and a good heart; a combination that hardly a senchi could fulfill).  
  
A bout with Saffron, stronger than ever, gave her a few scars and reestablished peace in the Middle-Kingdom.  
  
A hidden civilization was discovered on Mars, and they really had no good intentions.  
  
Jupiter was going out of its orbit, an unfortunate meeting with a comet having upset its fragile gravity equilibrium. It soon became apparent that it had been a calculated attempt at playing pinball with the Sol system, and Akane profusely thanked Mercury for having covered her in an environmental, skin-tight silver suit (when she was called the Silver Surfer though, she decided to change the color; red suited her more anyway).  
  
And it went that way for a few centuries. After a while though, Akane got a bit tired of it all and asked the Queen to retire. Serenity agreed, with obvious reluctance. Akane's suit was taken away, she was stripped of her rank, barred from the army registers and simply kicked out of the Palace. Thinking she didn't deserve such treatment, Akane simply blew up half the Moon Palace, killing no one but severely maiming everybody.  
  
It was with a contented sigh that she left the smoking ruins of the center of power in the Silver Millenium empire.  
  
Blowing a disarrayed bang from her face, Serenity flatly said: "note to everybody, next time Akane Saotome asks for something reasonable, don't, I repeat DO NOT upset her." The Senchis, extracting themselves from the rubble, mumbled acquiescement, ranging from 'that she had coming' to 'not fuckin' likely I will'.  
  
Back at her place, Akane found a shrine occupied by a priest had taken the place of her dojo. Because she hadn't been by for a long time and the Empire forbade anybody making use of that land (without explanations about who it belung to) it was decided it would be turned into a shrine to the defenders of Nekomi.  
  
Now she really had nothing left.  
  
Right when she left, a young man on a motorbike with a goddess in his sidecar stopped there and decided to spend the night in front of the temple.  
  
Akane rented a room in a small boarding house, tryig to see what really she could do. she had considerable savings stacked up, and her former house wasn't really important to her anymore. Maybe, she'll just visit the shrine people had erected for her. Well, that could wait.  
  
A year and a half went by.  
  
she was out training, when she felt something out of place. Soon, what she recognized as a tractor beam captured her. She couldn't move! She saw the ground falling away from her very fast. Surprise, added with the strains of a long day and the air getting rarer had her unconscious quickly.  
  
When she woke up, she was strapped to what looked like an examination table.  
  
"Who are you? Why did you take me away? Answer me!"  
  
"Because I could, Akane Saotome."  
  
"So what! Are you telling me that when you feel like kidnapping somebody, you do it?!"  
  
"Not exactly. More like, as long as you were a regular soldier, doing so would have all the Senshis on my back in under a minute. Right now you can't do a thing, the Senshis have grown complacent, nobody can stop me from taking over the Sol system."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"There is a rare form of substance that can be found there in abundance. I want it all."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"It is a kind of syrup extracted from a very specific plant, caramelized and usually eaten with raw fish and other dishes in the land called... Japan."  
  
"You want to get soy sauce?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"That's it?"  
  
"There's also the fact that I like bloodbaths."  
  
"This explains why you want to take over the world instead of just setting up a subsidiary."  
  
"Bingo. Also, I'd like to get a bride from this planet. You'll do nicely I think."  
  
Akane looked at him with a flat-lidded stare. "Great. Here we go again with princes kidnapping an unwilling bride away. What if I refuse?"  
  
"The whole planet's population dies a long, suffering death."  
  
"And if I accept?"  
  
"I kill them fast and painlessly."  
  
"Not much of a choice, is it..."  
  
"There's no other choice."  
  
Akane bent in half, snapping all her restraints in a single move.  
  
"What the... Open fire! Destroy all Terrans!"  
  
Before she could react, one underling had pushed a button, starting a very precise laser pulse. She could see it striking all over China, Japan, Korea, in hundreds of different locations in under a second. Horrified, she charged the underling, wrenching him away from the computer, and simply obliterated it.  
  
Firing stopped. The ship shook, an explosion made it lean to port, and she could feel it descend back to Earth in a drunken slide.  
  
Before she could turn back and survey the damages done to Earth, the leader had seized her by the arm and taken her in a choke-hold.  
  
"Bitch! You've only delayed the inevitable! When we land, my men will take control of the country, then the planet, then other ships will arrive to cart off its population to be sold to the slaves' market! I can assure you it's a fate worse than death!"  
  
Already she could see soldiers in alien-looking armor running over the landscape, firing at whatever was moving. Stars were dancing in her vision, the edges were turning black...  
  
"When we'll have some time, I'll show you what it's like to be a female slave."  
  
A rumble ran over the horizon. Obviously, Akane's training of the Senshis had borne fruit: they were counterattacking.  
  
The rivers turned red, the sky was soon covered in an inky black, smoky veil with red and green highlights, reflecting plasma bomb explosions, magical and technological forces clashing as the Senshis fought against the alien army.  
  
They were winning, but just barely. Akane was fighting to stay conscious, calling all the tricks she knew to keep her higher brain functional: cutting circulation to all her members, increasing oxygen exchange between her skin and lungs and her blood vessels, regulating her adrenalin levels...  
  
Finally, all that was left was Serenity, her Senshis knocked out or too injured to move, facing against the alien leader.  
  
"Who are you, to attack Earth so recklessly? What have we done to you?"  
  
"I'm Tikkop, and you exist. This I don't like."  
  
"Earth is a planet where people try to live in peace.It is criminal to attack us without preamble, for only the sin of existing. In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!"  
  
"Nope. That's MY job."  
  
Serenity blinked. An old man, draped in an old blanket, and leaning heavily on a wooden cane, was making his way on the battle ground.  
  
"What are you saying?"  
  
"I said, it's my job to save the tomboy and whip Tea Cup's ass."  
  
"Tikkop."  
  
"Yeah, whatever. So, Tea Cup, ready to get kicked back to the stars?"  
  
Tikkop laughed."HA! Pressed to die, Old Timer? I'll be happy to oblige!"  
  
Serenity tried to push the old man away, but he avoided her attempt, and simply, effortlessly, propelled her away from the battle ground. she landed on her rump, with no other damage than a blow to her dignity. And whatever it was he had done to her, she couldn't move her legs. She could feel them, but they didn't respond.  
  
Meanwhile, Tikkop was launching firballs after fireballs with one hand, securely holding Akane's neck in his other. Why wasn't Ranma attacking? Was he that diminished that he could only dodge?  
  
But then it struck her: as usual, she was in the way! GRtting her teeth, she concentrated all her remaining forces in one blow to Tikkop's side.  
  
The shockwave that resulted from the blow, a blow strong enough to stop a 800-meter full capacity freight train launched at full speed on a downward slope (she had done it once before in that very same situation) was enough to shake up Tikkop and make him loosen his grip. Jumping away, Akane found refuge in the hull of the damaged spaceship. From there, she could finally see Ranma.  
  
'He looks so old... How long ago was it? Oh Ranma, why? Why are you doing this?!'  
  
Seeing that Akane was now mostly safe, Ranma stopped moving. Tikkop shook back some feeling in his limbs, cursing his carelessness.  
  
"I should have broken that bitch's neck right away."  
  
"You would have died right away if you had done so." Ranma's eyes were still a steely blue-grey.  
  
"Don't make me laugh. Who would kill me? You?! You're not too bad for a crumbling ruin, but you're almost dead!"  
  
"Maybe. Maybe not. And anyway, I just don't lose." A roguish smirk appeared on his features. He shook away his cloak.  
  
Tikkop laughed out loud."Was that supposed to impress me?! Look at you, you're just old skin on brittle bones! A gust of wind would be enough to carry you away!"  
  
"Well, we dun want that, do we..."  
  
With that, Ranma drew himself up to his full height, squared his shoulders, spread his feet slightly, and his arms came in what appeared a high guard position.  
  
Tikkop just started throwing volleys of fireballs at him.  
  
And Ranma didn't move.  
  
Akane screamd after him, seeing his form disappear in a cloud of dust and sparks.  
  
"Heh. Well, he just wanted to die honorably. Now on to other matters."  
  
"Hey, waitasec. Who said we're done?" A voice said from the cloud of dust.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Frankly, these are so cliché it's not even funny. Okay, so then let's get serious, okay?"  
  
Ranma was still there, hands in his pockets, dancing on the soles of his kung-fu shoes, as if he was still a cocky teenager. But not for long. A hard look appeared on his carefree face, and he raised his hands to the sky. The energy-ladden clouds started lighting up, and lightning started striking Ranma.  
  
"When I was younger, I learnt how to control wind, then fire. I dealt with cold, I learnt how to control water and fire through wind, then directly. Sometimes sparks would run along my arms. I could feel an untapped energy there, so big I didn't dare try it. So I sealed it away. Then came a time where I thought I had nothing else to lose, and I restarted studying it. The first try almost killed me, and destroyed a whole mountain."  
  
"Very interesting story. What else?"  
  
"It changed me. I didn't really need to eat anymore, I just needed raw energy. Of course, I soon started loosing weight, but I found out it wasn't all that important afterwards."  
  
"Oh? How's that?"  
  
"Because of THAT!" A cloud of electricity had gathered over Ranma's head, and suddenly the old man inverted his body's polarity. In a line so straight you could have mistaken it for a pillar of light in Heavens, Ranma was struck with a column of raw energy so pure you could almost feel it emanating directly from Kami-Sama.  
  
In a temple, formerly a dojo in Nekomi...  
  
*Driiiing!* *Driiiing!*  
  
"Morisato temple, Belldandy speaking... Oh it's you Father!"  
  
"..."  
  
"I will check, Father."  
  
Skuld appeared next to Belldandy. "What is it Oneesama?"  
  
"Have you tapped directly into Yggdrasil's main power grid again, Skuld?"  
  
"WHAT?! I did that only once!" "..." "Okay, twice! But this time, it's not me!"  
  
"It's not... You heard? Oh, okay. Good bye, Father."  
  
Told you. Reeeaaaal powerful.  
  
When Akane could see again, she thought that Ranma had been pulverized in his attack, and that he had misjudged so badly his opponent was almost unhurt. But then she could see him again.  
  
Bulging muscles, powerful yet lean looking.  
  
Sparks of electricity running along his arms and legs, a scorch mark at his feet ten meters wide marking the width of the energy discharge. There was so much power emanating from him that you could see his pigtail dancing, letting go sparks like a cut high voltage cable.  
  
Cracking his knuckles then his neck, Ranma then took an attack stance.  
  
"Let's get jiggy wit'it."  
  
Akane was good. Amongst the best, even. there was only a few people she knew could beat her, and only one on this Earth. From stories heard during her days as an Outer, she had heard about Tikkop, and knew he'd be one tough cookie. Even at her best, with some assistance from Mercury's gadgets, she would have had trouble dealing with him.  
  
But now, it was a full-out battle between two almost unstoppable forces. She had difficulties following them. She only knew where they were from the shockwaves of their hits, so strong were they. She had to keep her awareness on full to follow any sensation her senses were giving her. It had been so long since she had witnessed such a fight! Right before Ryoga died, in fact. He had come to meet Ranma, saying he didn't want to die in a hospital.  
  
They had fought for two full days, no quarters asked, none given.  
  
Like now.  
  
Then Akane realized. Too late, though. the latest exchange had Ranma being slightly off-timing, something a nuclear clock might have missed, but his opponent gave a strong blow, only partially absorbed by a hastily raised defence, right on Ranma's heart.  
  
Akane saw him cough up blood. Tikkop grinned in triumph.  
  
"Ranma... Saotome... doesn't... LOSE!"  
  
With that, Ranma became a whirlwind of motion, both an angel of vengeance and a devil of the ninth level of Hell. Tikkop tried resisting, but soon fell under the onlsaught of blows. Those were coming so fast, indentations appeared in his body as if by magic.  
  
Then Ranma stopped his onslaught. Tikkop wa standing up, barely, twitching all over.  
  
"Hiryu."  
  
The clouds started rumbling.  
  
"Shoten."  
  
Rain started falling.  
  
"Ha."  
  
A tornado, kicking up dust, rocks, broken metal, etc. surrounded Ranma. Tikkop was caught in it. Ranma flashed once, discharging energy in the tornado. It rose towards the sky in a straight line, like a dragon taking its flight, carrying Tikkop's body faster and faster.  
  
"Toldja I'd kick your ass back to your planet, freak."  
  
Akane ran towards her now female former husband. "Ranma!"  
  
"Hey 'kane, you ok? Long time... no... see..."  
  
With that, Ranma fell forward in Akane's arms.  
  
"Ranma, stay with me. It's going to be alright. The Senshi will cure you, we'll find a way to be together again. Ranma?" Akane was getting frantic.  
  
Ranma had curled onto her lap, a contented little smile on her lips.  
  
"Ranma, stop playing. I know you can hear me, stop playing dead. It's not funny! Ranma! RANMA!"  
  
"...mmbl..."  
  
"What are you saying Ranma?"  
  
"Uncute tomboy. How do you think I could change my body that drastically? I've been dead for one hundred and seventy years. Died of a heart attack. I'm merely a ghost that managed to gather enough energy to become tangible. I only played the old warrior on his last fight to throw him off guard."  
  
Akane was numb. Twin tracks of tears were flowing on her cheeks.  
  
"You're holding a ghost, Akane. Now, I'd like to stay and chat, but the keeper of Midgard's door is looking for me. I wasn't supposed ta come back, y'know..."  
  
"Then why...?"  
  
"Well, I've been waiting at the door for a few years now. And as impatient ta see ya again as I am, I dun really like the idea of ya dying too soon. So Akane, you'd better live. Live! Or else..."  
  
Akane couldn't help but smile under her tears."Or else what, Baka?"  
  
"Or else I'll kick your ass all over Heaven and Hell!"  
  
"I promise, Ranma."  
  
"Good. Then I'll see ya, Akane. But don't hurry." And with that, Ranma pecked Akane on the lips; right then the sun shone through where the Hiryu Shoten Ha had speared the clouds, and she was only a thousand bubbles sparkling in the light. Akane could almost hear "don't hurry, Tomboy."  
  
"I do what I want, Pervert. Humph! The nerve of that guy!"  
  
And Akane sighed.  
  
The End?  
  
A.N.: One of the biggest problems I could find within the concept of immortality is the loss of your friends and family. Ranma's case has been treated several times, while Akane's has always been either overlooked or she simply goes crazy. Since, of the two, she would be the most sensitive to this problem, I decided to use her instead of the overused Ranma.  
  
This fanfic was merely written to illustrate that point. As such, it lacks character development, background information, and uses plot devices such as Sailor Moon's alleged future to allow me to skim over time - while Ah! My goddess! cameos were merely a form of slight comic relief. Also, it gives me an opportunity to write a sequel... If I get a good idea.  
  
C&C welcome!  
  
Mitch 74 (mitch074@hotmail.com) 


	2. Further down the path

Not exactly a sequel to 'Right here, right there'. If I can get that baby rolling, I'm pretty sure I'll get an idea on how to flesh out the main story. Once there... Maybe, maybe not a sequel (C&C, C&C dear readers...)

Ranma 1/2, Ah! My Goddess and all are the property of their respective creators and affiliates. No copyright infringement intended. No profit is made off these stories.

Just to add a precision, there was no 'Myths of Asgard' added: but the goddesses (the norns) in Ah! My Goddess are part of Norse mythology, as such the Norse pantheon is used...

Further down the path

A butterfly. Only a small butterfly was flying, in this quiet morning of March.

That, in itself, was quite singular: butterflies usually come out later in the year, to absorb the sweet nectar of flowers.

Not that one, though. As it was, it wasn't even floating in the wind like it should have been. It even looked like it had a precise destination in mind.

Garm, keeper of the gates between the Underworld, Niflheim, and the Earth, Midgard, was literally foaming at the mouth. One soul had escaped. That hadn't happened in millenniums, the last one to escape had been allowed to do so because the warrior it belong to was both protected by the gods and not really dead.

But that recent escapee had been dead, forgotten by the Earth, and his paperwork was ready! So, okay, it wasn't any other soul but one that belong to a god killer, with a lifespan of more than five hundred years, and who had been roaming the path to the Court of the Souls for almost two centuries since his death. Worse, he had already been as good as accepted in Asgard. So why did he escape?

His room in a quiet suburb of Asgard was ready, Valkyries were eager to guide him to Odin's table, Himdall had his curriculum vitae on paper to announce his arrival in the Valhalla, everything! And the ungrateful brat had left, just like that, blasting him a good one and leaving the premises of Asgard. Just. Like. That.

In short, Ranma Saotome was at large.

Back to our butterfly. As we said, it was a bit early in the year for it to be there. Also, it was red and black, with two gray-blue spots on the wings. An entomologist capturing it would be celebrated for centuries to come, having caught this unique little bug.

The one who had tried ended up with a burnt-through net and a black eye. Given by the butterfly. And now, the way it circled a small barbecue was eerily familiar.

Ever heard about the butterfly that beat its wing in Brazil creating a storm in Japan?

Captain Henri Kernadec knew the sea. Very well, in fact. His family had roamed the seven seas for generations now, and himself had been a captain for forty years. And no captain of small ships, either! Industrial fishing ships, heavy transports, tankers... You name it, he floated it. Coming from the fact that he knew the sea (intimately, some would say), he had gone through all of its moods, from the little fog/drizzle to the towering pyramidal waves able to crush a 500 000 tons tanker like a twig, and had always been able to bring his ship, if not at destination, at least to a safe harbor.

This is why, for the first time he could remember when confronted with surreal events, Captain Henri Kernadec was at a loss as to how, by St Helm's fire, a butterfly riding the smallest yet strongest jet-stream he had ever felt could have cut his cigar in two - and keep going as if nothing had happened after that!

Now, that butterfly was nearing, at a speed just shy of the speed of sound, a small secluded valley in the Bayankala mountain range.

Beings that were considered mystical by several cultures, and who could easily be assimilated to the harpies of ancient Greek folklore, as in, they had wings, two legs, two arms and a brain that worked better than most avians, looked at the butterfly riding a jet-stream right past them.

"You think we should warn the captain?"

"Why?"

"Well, didn't you see what I just saw?"

"As in, did I see a butterfly riding a jet-stream just shy from sound speed in direction of Jusenkyo?"

"Yes, that one precisely."

"Well, if such a thing was possible, then the butterfly in question already fell in a spring and became a demented super-powerful animal, and lord Safuron or King Haabu will take care of it."

"And if it hasn't?"

"Then why do you think the captain would bother looking for a butterfly?"

"Good point."

Jusenkyo, the cursed training ground, had stood hardly disturbed for centuries now. The women of Joketsuzoku had finally been able to seal it away two weeks ago, with a strong repelling ward that would prevent any and all living being from entering. They had devised it, tested it, improved it, even asked several spell-casters to have a look at it and add their own formula, going so far as to create a community of people dedicated to improving it, testing beta versions of it... As it was, the formula was written on scrolls for records, but stored on an optical disk made of carbon crystal with a reflective surface made of pressed vanadium, protected under a titanium slice and kept preciously, and spread all over the world's FTPs under the label 'GPLreflectbar2.2final.tar.bz5'.

So why did an incredibly strong butterfly manage to enter it, raising no more than a small spark when it went past the invisible barrier?

A few minutes later, an incredibly old man made his way out of the training ground. As he went past the barrier, the energy current that ran through the mystical shield short-circuited with the man's strange energy signature, like it did with the butterfly. But when a butterfly is nothing but a few grams of organic matter, an old man is still a few thousand times bigger.

And thus, the short-circuit didn't merely result in a spark.

A young woman, dressed in combat clothes and holding a spear at rest on her shoulder, raised her hand and looked at the sky.

"Thunderclap? But they hadn't planned rain neither in the knuckles of Shinna-Mon nor on TV..."

Shrugging her Kevlar-covered shoulders and changing her carbon-fiber, titanium and ceramic tipped spear of hand, she resumed her guard round. When a sooth-covered old man (but not as old as before) groggily came her way, she hesitated: he was old, OK; but he had apparently withstood a thunder blast, and may just be able to resist her. Unmarried, she really, really didn't want to end up having to give a kiss of marriage.

Too bad: with fifty less years, he would have been quite a catch.

Since he was headed towards the village, she decided to accompany him. When finally he started recovering, he looked at her, and in perfect Mandarin:

"This way to Joketsuzoku?"

"Hum, yes, but where are you from?"

"Right now, I just came out of a spring in Jusenkyo. Before that, you're better off not knowing."

The proud warrior-woman started to take offense, but a glimpse at his aura told her otherwise, and she kept silent.

Matriarch So Pu, great-granddaughter of Matriarch Shan Pu, was worried: a strange aura was closing in. While she was confident the Village had nothing to fear from conventional (and non-conventional) attacks, there was an eerie feeling in that aura. Not malicious, but not godly either; male, and female; very strong, and on the brink of death. It wasn't even flickering from one extreme to the other, it was all of that at the same time.

Detectors gave her some more informations: a guard was coming back to the village while it wasn't shift change, and there was an old man with her.

The guard would get a reprimand for neither preventing entry nor capturing the trespasser, but So Pu would privately command her for very good thinking and affect her to a training class in mystical and arcane arts: untrained, she had been able to assess an opponent who was deceptively weak looking while being both powerful enough to level the village and a former ally of late Matriarch Shan Pu.

Frankly, the demoted guard felt quite happy with this 'demotion': she was always given guard duty, and well, while gifted at fighting, she largely felt better attending stone gardens and scrolls.

Back to the obviously resurrected warrior. A few years ago (make that a few centuries, when So Pu was still a braggart warrior unwashed behind the ears), she had taken offense at a Japanese guy, trailing his wife behind him and who brought forth quite a reaction from Matriarch Shan Pu. She had challenged him, and he had disabled her without even moving-well, it's what she thought for a long time, until she got old and trained enough to realize he had merely moved faster and more precisely than anybody she had ever seen moving.

So she had done what came next, as in Full Amazon Glomp (tm) with a cry of 'Wo da Airen!'

But the meek woman following the man just didn't allow it, and stopped her in mid-air. Then addressing a diminutive figure standing perched on a staff, "Shampoo, if you would...?"

Matriarch Shan Pu grinned ferally. "So Pu, do you fancy living?"

"Hum, yes, Honored Matriarch."

"Then don't fight her. She's as good, if not better than I am."

So Pu blanched.

"As a matter of fact, they are both as old as I am, and even better trained."

"But my honor, Honored Matriarch?"

"Oh, all right."

Saying so, Shan Pu raised her voice, and claimed for all to ear. "I hereby name them allies of the Tribe, and no Outsider law may apply to them." Now back to So Pu, "here, happy?"

"Honored Matriarch, how could you do so!"

"I have ten thousand years of Amazon tradition backing me up in this, child."

"I though Amazon culture was three thousands years old, and even though it has been a few years, not a millenium has gone by, much less seven." The male was standing, a smart-alec smirk gracing his features.

"Oh, you know, after you've lived as long as I have, you don't really care much."

"We're as old as you are, you Amazon bimbo!" That was said by the girl, with a humorous tone underlying her angry voice.

"Yeah, well, at least I got cured of that... While I'm pretty sure you're still a kitchen destroyer, Akane."

"C'm here, you!" An irate (but visibly refraining from laughing out loud) Akane jumped after what looked like a madly cackling troll on a pogo stick.

What followed was a very humbling lesson for So Pu, as the newcomers didn't agree with most younger warriors and were constantly harassed – so as to re-establish the tribe's warriors' pecking order – and invariably came out on top. The man was fast as lightning, knew so many techniques no one could stand up to him for very long...

The woman may not have been quite as good, but she was more direct in her approach: the not-so-hourglass-looking, not very tall woman packed a strength few could match (make that none), was a plain storm wind to her husband's thunder speed... and got so pissed when she was double-teamed (in fact, jumped by half the female population) that many warriors saw stars early in the day, then the healers.

So it wasn't a surprise when the old man, having somehow dodged all attempts at restraining him, addressed her directly.

"Hello Elder, I think I've seen you before..."

"Hi Ranma, why, you don't recognize me? And I almost was your wife..."

"Shan Pu! Naaah... You don't look enough like a prune to be her."

WHACK!

"Okay, I deserved that. How are you, So Pu?"

Under the befuddled stares of the villagers, the two elders started joking around and ended up playing a game of tag that lasted only five minutes, only because they had run out of village roofs to run over.

"Now tell me, Ranma, surely you didn't come here just for a game of tag?"

"As a matter of fact, no; you remember that my wife doesn't age, right? Well, me, I do; in fact, I died two centuries ago."

"You look damn real for a ghost"

"I used a little trick for that, but it's temporary. However the problem is, Akane's in danger, and she's bitten off more than she could chew. She got fired off the... agency she worked with, she's in a sad mood, and a damn super powerful villain – of course, it's never a nice talking ferret, it has to be a badass tough guy – has seized her and is bent on world domination."

"Nothing unusual here."

"Yes, the thing is, I could feel his strength, he's GOOD. He's taken Akane by surprise, and even without that she would have been lucky to win."

So Pu had a grave look on her face. "If Akane can't beat him, I don't see who could – except you, and you're not at the best of forms, are you?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm the best!"

As if to punctuate this declaration, a flash very high in the sky almost blinded them. Ranma smirked.

"The tomboy just managed to give us an edge, do you perhaps have a teleporter nearby now?"

"How outrageous! To think that the proud Amazons, with a tradition of more than a million year, would allow such a superfluous device!" So Pu said, scandalized.

"Matriarch Ko Lon watched Star Trek reruns on TV."

So Pu giggled. "You got me. This way."

And this is how Ranma Saotome, God Killer, Martial Artist extraordinaire, Escapee of the Underworld, World Jumper, Barrier Breaker, and Bottomless Pit ("Hey!") managed to come back from the dead and kick Tikkop's ass.

Back to Niflheim, Court of Judgment...

"Examinee's name: Saotome, Ranma. Place of birth, Tokyo, Japan. Born in July 1980. Deceased in... errr... November 2857. Profession: martial artist, god killer. Deeds: saved the world many times. Curbed Akane Tendo/Saotome's temper down to manageable levels. Saved the world from space invasion in June 3012."

The norn in charge flipped a page.

"Escaped Court's waiting room, roasted most of the fur off Garm's head (giggle), and..."

At that moment a huge snoring sound interrupted the reading.

"... fell asleep in court. Please wake him up."

The norn continued.

"On behalf of what, he will be accepted at Odin's table, provided he behaves himself and doesn't try to steal too much food off other people's plates, we've got enough feuds running as it is in this rowdy-"

"SNORE!"

The norn, exasperated, interrupted her reading again.

"Will someone PLEASE wake... him..."

Several guards and Valkyries were panting or just plainly unconscious around the slumbering Ranma, who managed to block, avoid, dodge or redirect all attempts (especially violent ones) at waking him up.

"... up. Oh what the...! That's it, I quit. When he wakes up just tell him his room is on the 3455th level, section 47ZB25, number 28567889."

Ranma, having woken up with a map and an address, decided to head for his room, lunch could wait. Finding strange that steam was wafting from under his room's door, he pushed it open...

"HIYAAAAAAA!"

"PERVERTS!"

He hightailed instantly, chased by furious – and very underclad – norns and Valkyries.

"Oh no, not AGAIN!"

Somewhere in Asgard, norns' staff room...

"Frankly, that was the weirdest one I've seen in years. He fell asleep right in the middle of his judgment reading! 'sigh' I should have just told him that he was located on 3455th level, section 47ZB25, number 28567889."

A Valkyrie perked up at that.

"Errr..."

"What?"

"Isn't that... The location of the women's bath?"

The norn counter checked. And started weeping.

"I quit... I quit..."

C&C welcome.


	3. Omake

Omake 

"It changed me. I didn't really need to eat anymore, I just needed raw energy. Of course, I soon started loosing weight, but I found out it wasn't all that important afterwards." 

"Oh? How's that?"

"Because of THAT!"

A cloud of electricity had gathered over Ranma's head, and suddenly the old man inverted his body's polarity. In a line so straight you could have mistaken it for a pillar of light in Heavens, Ranma was struck with a column of raw energy so pure you could almost feel it emanating directly from Kami-Sama.

"Now behold the might of Ranma Saotome, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"

Akane moaned in disgust.

"And I thought my humour was bad."

oOo-

Akane was numb. Twin tracks of tears were flowing on her cheeks.

"You're holding a ghost, Akane. Now, I'd like to stay and chat, but the keeper of Midgard's door is looking for me. I wasn't supposed ta come back, y'know..."

Akane looked at him gravely.

"If that's the case, where's your halo? If you really were dead, you'd have something marking you. I can't see anything, thus you're not dead. So you'd better explain why you didn't come back to me as soon as you found a way to get younger again."

Ranma sweat-dropped.

"Errr... I forgot?"

oOo-

Garm, keeper of the gates between the Underworld, Niflheim, and the Earth, Midgard, was literally foaming at the mouth. One soul had escaped. That hadn't happened in millenniums, the last one to escape had been allowed to do so because the warrior it belong to was both protected by the gods and not really dead.

But that recent escapee had been dead, forgotten by the Earth, and his paperwork was ready! So, okay, it wasn't any other soul but one that belong to a god killer, with a lifespan of more than five hundred years, and who had been roaming the path to the Court of the Souls for almost two centuries since his death. Worse, he had already been as good as accepted in Asgard. So why did he escape?

A swarm of Valkyries and assorted norns ran past him again for the twelfth time today, crying "Ranma daaaarling/Husband/My dear Ranmaaaa/Hey my goodledipoo/My hero/etc./Take your pick".

Shrugging as much as a dog can shrug, Garm resumed gnawing on the bone Ranma had thrown him to distract him.

oOo-

Jusenkyo, the cursed training ground, had stood hardly disturbed for centuries now. The women of Joketsuzoku had finally been able to seal it away two weeks ago, with a strong repelling ward that would prevent any and all living being from entering. They had devised it, tested it, improved it, even asked several spell-casters to have a look at it and add their own formula, going so far as to create a community of people dedicated to improving it, testing beta versions of it... As it was, the formula was written on scrolls for records, but stored on an optical disk made of carbon crystal with a reflective surface made of pressed vanadium, protected under a titanium slice and kept preciously, and spread all over the world's FTPs under the label 'GPLreflectbar2.2final.tar.bz5'.

So why did an incredibly strong butterfly manage to enter it, raising no more than a small spark when it went past the invisible barrier?

Well, no code's 100 bug-proof...

(I'm sure I'll be flamed for that pun)

oOo-

Saying so, Shan Pu raised her voice, and claimed for all to ear. "I hereby name them allies of the Tribe, and no Outsider law may apply to them." Now back to So Pu, "here, happy?"

"Honored Matriarch, how could you do so!"

Reverting to her former position, Shan Pu raised her voice, and claimed for all to ear. "I hereby name them allies of the Tribe, and no Outsider law may apply to them." Now back to So Pu, "here, happy?"

So Pu sweat-dropped, and said "this is not exactly what I was asking..."

oOo-

"Hi Ranma, why, you don't recognize me? And I almost was your wife..."

"AAAARGH! MY EYES! MY EYES!"

oOo-

At that moment a huge snoring sound interrupted the reading.

"... fell asleep in court. Please wake him up."

The norn continued.

"On behalf of what, he will be accepted at Odin's table, provided he behaves himself and doesn't try to steal too much food off other people's plates, we've got enough feuds running as it is in this rowdy-"

"SNORE!"

The norn, exasperated, interrupted her reading again.

And pulled out a BFG10K-Mark 5.

"I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE!"

oOo-

Ranma, having woken up with a map and an address, decided to head for his room, lunch could wait. Finding strange that steam was wafting from under his room's door, he pushed it open...

"HIYAAAAAAA!"

"PERVERT!"

He hightailed instantly, chased by furious – and very underclad – norns and Valkyries.

Then he stopped, faced them, and started talking.

"Now that I've been admitted in Heaven, I can fulfill the ideal of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Wait and behold."

Focusing all his energy, his whole being at the same time everything and nothing, Ranma shouted loud and clear his status as heir to the Musabetsu Kakuton Ryu.

"SWEETO!"

oOo-

Author's notes:

There. I'm not sure if this is exactly the way I was intending to finish the story at first, though...

A long time wokring on this stuff, one little word after another. Damn busy, then writer's block... It always infuriated me to find a nice story, only to see it left unfinished. So since I'm not sure my inspiration will ever come back for this story, I decided to take it seriously for a few hours, tackled the burden and finished it in a semi-satisfactory way.

Only to notice that when you update an existing chapter in the update date doesn't change. Damn.

Now, since chapters dedicated to Author's notes are forbidden, I had the choice: either hope my fans (yeah, right) still check up on my stories sometimes, tempt banishment and make a AN chapter, or (gasp) indulge in a few omake.

I'll do it to this one alone, since TTWABr2 isn't finished yet. But as incredible as it may seem, I'm still working seriously on it, so you might expect a few chapters now and then.

And I think I'm pretty bad at omake anyway.

Mitch 74


End file.
